Senior Reflection...from 2006...

Tuesday greetings.  So, I spent today looking at some old files and researching what we can do here at Holy Communion that has worked in the past.  And I came across this little gem! 

Back in the day, we would have a service on Wednesday night in Quelling Chapel that included a reflection. Each year, the new group of seniors were asked to give the reflections during those service. 

Yes, I was lucky enough to be asked to give the reflection.  We only had like a handful of seniors so I actually think we were all asked.  So ironically….here it is.  A reflection from a me…written 6 years ago.   Hope you enjoy!

2-15-2006

Why do you come to church?  That is the question that I asked myself whenever I found out I was suppose to be giving this reflection.  It seems like an easy question, but you would not believe how hard it was for me to come up with something.  So I’m just going to start from the beginning.  It was around the time I was a wee little 6^th grader that I was forced to go to my first EYC at St. George’s.  Yes forced, I did not want to go, but I didn’t want to be grounded even more, so I went.  I didn’t really have so much fun the first few times.  But after some time I made some friends and I started to have fun, which brings me to one reason I come to church, the social aspect.  This became the driving force of why I would go, because that’s where my friends were and I had fun.  I really didn’t expect much else.

                As I got older, things change.  I began to realize another reason I would go to church.  I loved being in the environment.  I realized how it was the presence of Christ and I began to see how Christ was working through all the people around me.  As my spiritual life was beginning to make sense to me for the first time, the worst thing happened.  Problems with my family, difficulties with my dad, pressure at school, soccer, so much more was going on that I began doubting.  As things go worse and worse I stopped caring.  I blamed all my problems on God and then turned my back on him.  Ironically, I still went to church every Sunday, but only because my friends were there.  I no longer cared about the spiritual element. 

                I then went through Happening.  Once again, because I had heard that it was fun and a lot of friends were going.  That weekend brought me back somewhat.  I again began to feel and notice the presence of Christ around me, but I didn’t think about it too much.  But at least it was a start.  I changed from blaming God for my problems to looking for help with my problems.  The environment of being completely surrounded by Christ’s presence was back and I loved being in it. 

                This past year I went on the Pilgrimage to Greece.  This time because I was excited about growing spiritually and not just because it would be fun.  While there, during one our many Lectio Divina times, we read a verse from Mark.  In it, a man comes face to face with Jesus.  The man asks Jesus if he can follow him.  Jesus replies that he can as long as he gives up all of his possessions.  During the responses, people talked about what they would do in that situation.  Meanwhile I sat back because I was questioning if I would even have enough courage to walk up to Jesus.  I didn’t feel that my faith was strong enough to really talk to people about Christ not to mention go running up to Jesus to talk about it.  I was ashamed of myself.  I would compare myself to others and felt that I was no where near anybody else on that trip and felt like I didn’t belong.  I was ashamed of myself for doubting and questioning faith.

                Since our pilgrimage, I have realized many things.  I didn’t have to be ashamed of myself for doubting.  I learned that I was not, other people were doubting as well, and I was not along in the fact that I went to church for the social aspect.  Since the Pilgrimage, my main reason for going to church has been to keep growing in my relationship with Christ.  I’m not going to say that the social aspect doesn’t make it easier to go but it is not my only reason.  It may have been the social part that drew me in and I didn’t expect much more.  In the end, I got a whole lot more than I bargained for and I couldn’t be happier.